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Q: How is a
man like the weather?
A: Nothing
can be done to change either one of them.
Q: How is
being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
A: At the
circus the clowns don’t talk.
Q: How is
Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
A: All he's
concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
Q: How many
dumb men does it take to mop a floor?
A: No one
knows; they've never done it.
Q: How many
honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the
dishes?
A: Both of
them.
Q: How many
men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: Who knows?
- did it ever happen?
Q: How many
men does it take to make popcorn?
A: Four, one
to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.
Q: How many
men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It
should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Q: How many
men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody
knows, it hasn’t happened yet.
Q: How many
men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A: Five - one
to actually do the screwing, four to listen to him brag about it
Q: How many
men does it take to screw a light bulb?
A: One - men
will screw anything.
Q: How many
men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he
just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q: How many
men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three -
one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing
part.
Q: How many
men does it take to tile a bathroom?
A: Two. If
you slice them very thinly.
Q: How many
men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A: Three, if
you slice them very thinly.
Q: How many
men would it take to mop a floor?
A: No one
knows; they've never done it.
Q: How many
Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Real
Men aren’t afraid of the dark.
Q: How was
Colonel Sanders a typical male?
A: All he
cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
Q: Husband:
"This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
A: Wife: "No
problem, I'll get you some that is."
Q: Husband: I
don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
A: Wife: You
wear briefs, don't you?
Q: Husband: I
want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before.
A: Wife:
Well, how about the kitchen?
Q: Husband:
Want a quickie?
A: Wife: As
opposed to what?
Q: Husband:
What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
A: Wife: Turn
sideways and look in the mirror.
Q: I asked
one dumb man why he had 150 books but no bookcase.
A: He said,
"Nobody will lend me a bookcase."
Q: I had to
divorce my husband for religious reasons,
A: I'm a
catholic and living with him is hell.
Q: I went to
the County Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or not?" Shows.
A: They had a
man born with a penis and a brain.
Q: If he asks
what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
Q: If they
put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.
Q: If you
want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
Q: If you
want to know why men are called the
A: 'opposite
sex', express an opinion!
Q: In
England, a dumb man who doesn't do anything is called a Gentleman.
A: Here we
call him a boyfriend.
Q: Love is
blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Q: Man: Why
do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your
brains?
A: Woman:
Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind.
Q: Men and
women were created equal but women continued to improve.
Q: Men are
all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them
apart.
Q: Men are
like guns.
A: Keep one
around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Q: Men are
like, buses: They have spare tires and smell funny.
Q: Men are
proof of reincarnation.
A: You can't
get that dumb in just one lifetime.
Q: Men come
in three sizes:
A: Small,
medium, and OOoohhh yesss!
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