A bargain: something
you cannot use at a price you cannot resist.
A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me
off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal
A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass,
The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the
impression he just cleaned the whole house.
A man goes to a fancy dress party wearing nothing but a jamjar on
his cock. A lady asks "What are you dressed as?" He says a
fireman! You break the glass, pull the knob and I'll cum as fast
as I can.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the
armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying
Clinton is in the supermarket picking up some things for the new
office when a stock boy accidentally bumps into him. "Pardon me,"
the stock boy says. "Sure," Clinton replies, "but it'll cost you."
Definition of a Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those
little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started,
they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count? When she has to
chew before she swallows.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two
cases of beer instead of one.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two. If you slice
them very thinly.
Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, the
drink spilled and that ice, well it really chilled her mood.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that
one enjoys it?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly
are the others here for?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience
stores and drive through windows.
I'm so depressed ... My Dr. refused to write me a prescription for
Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a
It took the NSW Division of Motor Vehicles 6 months to figure out
and revoke this personalized license plate: 3M TA3, Can you tell
why? Answer: It spells out Eat Me in someone's rear view mirror.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of
course, there's shipping and handling, too.
Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker, and Jimmy Swaggert have written an
impressive new book ... It's called: "Ministers Do More Than Lay
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.
Most people get AIDS from sex; but President Clinton gets sex from
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was
and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be
cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, Will !?
What will ? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."
My next house will have no kitchen---just vending machines and a
large trash can.
OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and
the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that
make the Tennessee Titans ?
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver. She politely
asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so. She says,
"Anything you say can and will be Held against you." He replies
Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the
trouble they were having in the apartment building where they
lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "I'll hear the
oldest first." The case was closed for lack of evidence.
The difference between the Pope and your boss. The Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in
Two guys in the pub one says to the other "My wife`s a dirty
filthy slut". The other guy says "why do you say that?" The first
guy replies, "Because she wont wash the dishes so I can piss in
What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No
mind. 2. No business.
What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities.
What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms? Melt them, turn
them into tire and call it a goodyear.
What do you get if you cross a Rotweiller with a Labrador? A dog
that scares the shit out of you then runs off with the bog roll.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
What happened to the chinese man who walked into a wall with a
boner? He smashed his his nose.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys watching a football
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a
tree would kill you? A pool table.
What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The position
of the dirt bag.
What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?
By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you
have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The
same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other? A speech impediment.
Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when
you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. Perverted is when
you use the whole chicken...
What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a
southern USA fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a
time...' A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe
What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? Your wife will
always blow your bonus!
What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car? A
porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English
zoo? An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the
front of the cage along with a recipe.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal
thermometer? The taste.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a
Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? They all have
Why did God create man before woman? He didn't want any advice.